Miserable At Best
by LovingSeleneTheVamp
Summary: A simple one shot based off of Mayday Parade's Miserable At Best. Swan Queen


Regina sat alone at the window sill, quietly singing the melancholy tune with her hand wrapped around a glass of her strong cider. She tried to keep the tears from spilling over as her imagination ran wild, drowning in the darkness of the night and the hardness of her heart.

_Emma, don't cry__  
__I know you're trying your hardest__  
__And the hardest part is letting go__  
__Of the nights we share__  
__Boston is calling__  
__And you know it's haunting__  
__But compared to your eyes__  
__Nothing shines quite as bright__  
__And when we look to the sky__  
__It's not mine, but I want it_

Regina turned her eyes up to the sky, letting the tears finally break through from her sorrowful eyes. She kept watching the stars, trying to avoid looking at the bed that was the painful centerpiece of her room. It smelled of Emma, reminding her of the nights she'd spent with Emma in her arms; the mornings she'd woken to the beautiful blonde resting peacefully on the pillow next to her. She tried to block out the thoughts threatening to drown her as she struggled for air.

___So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight__  
__I know he's there__  
__And you're probably hanging out and making eyes__  
__While across the room he stares__  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor__  
__And ask my girl to dance_

_She'll say yes, _

She imagined Emma with a mystery man in Boston. Perhaps a George Clooney type. Regina didn't know what kind of men Emma preferred, but she could see her with an older one. Maybe she preferred a Channing Tatum. Maybe Emma was dancing with a low key man. Someone who wouldn't pressure her into a relationship. Someone who would be gone when Emma woke up in the morning. Someone who would spin her around, then wouldn't wake up as Emma snuck out in the night.

_Because these words were never easier__  
__For me to say or her to second guess__  
__But I guess that I can live without you__  
__But without you I'll be miserable at best_

__Regina hadn't meant it. Actually, she had. The words had just slipped out one night, the same way Emma had. Regina had simply said it without even thinking, just one simple 'I love you' and in the morning Emma had been gone. Her car was gone, she'd left no note. No goodbye. No texts, no emails, just nothing. No car. Regina had looked out the window that morning and she'd none what she'd see. No car. As if a missing yellow bug was the most tragic thing she'd ever seen. The thought repeated to her, a heartbreaking mantra that she couldn't rewrite or reword. Just no car.

___You're all that I hoped to find in every single way__  
__And everything I will give is everything you couldn't take__  
__Cause nothing feels like home__  
__You're a thousand miles away__  
__And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay_

Emma couldn't be loved. Regina had known that. She wasn't unlovable, she just couldn't be loved. She was too used to bed hopping. To jumping towns. To sating her needs with unnamed men who wouldn't care if they never saw her again. Regina had lived alone for so long, with nothing but the company of her son and the thoughts of failed loves.

___Cause I know I'm good for something__  
__I just haven't found it yet_

_But I need it_

__Regina let the thoughts of her failures flood her. She thought of Daniel, who'd left her. Of Graham, who thought she'd been too power hungry. She remembered her father, who'd died of a sudden heart attack. Of her mother who'd abandoned Regina and her husband, leaving behind a broken home and a sad man. The only one who'd ever really loved her was Henry. She was good at loving him, but she wanted something more. And she thought she'd found it with Emma. But Emma was surely looking for love elsewhere on this cold Friday night.

___So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight__  
__I know he's there__  
__And you're probably hanging out and making eyes__  
__While across the room he stares__  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor__  
__And ask my girl to dance__  
__She'll say yes, _

Emma and Regina had never set terms to their relationship. They'd never made rules. They'd never said 'no strings,' or 'friends with benefits' and she'd fooled herself into believing what they had was real.

_Because these words were never easier__  
__For me to say or her to second guess__  
__But I guess that I can live without you__  
__But without you I'll be miserable at best_

__Emma had never truly been loved. Henry's father had left her to rot in jail. Her own parents had left her next to a highway as a child. Emma never talked about it, but Regina had researched her when she blew into town, looking to meet her son. They hadn't even taken the time to leave her at a hospital. They'd just left her by a road and hoped for the best. People had been in and out of Emma's life like patients in an Er: There for a quick treatment and then on their way. Regina had thought they could fix each other. Her mistake. She tried to talk herself out of it, but the alcohol spoke louder than her common sense, and she took out her cell phone.

___And this'll be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you__  
__And I can't speak__  
__Been three whole days since I've had sleep__  
__Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek__  
__And I got the point that I should leave you alone__  
__But we both know that I'm not that strong__  
__And I miss the lips that made me fly_

__She got Emma's voicemail, a cheery, "It's Emma, you know what to do." This was the first time Regina had tried to call Emma, and she'd hoped to speak to her. Instead she left a simple, "Hey. I was just thinking about you." The common sense part of her demanded she hang up the phone before the alcohol could say more, so she hung up and continued on with her melancholy song.

___So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight__  
__I know he's there__  
__And you're probably hanging out and making eyes__  
__While across the room he stares__  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor__  
__And ask my girl to dance__  
__She'll say yes, _

She imagined what her future could have looked like, with Emma by her side as they raised their son together. Their entire future flashed before her eyes, as steady in her mind as her vision was blurry. Emma would move in, finding roots for the first time in her life. Henry would have two parents in a stable home. Emma would propose, and they'd get married in the town hall, equals in the same setting that Regina typically dominated. They would be a united front when Henry hit his rough teen years. They'd save each other from the rough lives they'd had. Regina finished the cider. She could feel the alcohol taking over completely, demanding she have another glass. She stumbled down the stairs to the decanter, filling her cup again.

_Because these words were never easier__  
__For me to say or her to second guess__  
__But I guess that I can live without you__  
__But without you I'll be miserable_

While Regina was standing in the entry hall there was a knock on the door. It was two sharp knocks, almost unsure sounding, as if the knocker was lost. Regina set her drink down, trying to compose herself. She answered the door, and on the other side was Emma. She looked shell shocked, as if she couldn't believe she was there. Her nose was red as if she'd been crying, and her breath was white in the cold night air. "Hi." She said simply, as if trying to figure out what to say. "Hi." She repeated.

___And I can live without you__  
__But without you I'll be miserable_

Regina stared at Emma, unsure of what to do or how to respond. The cider led her actions, walking her to Emma. "I thought you'd be in Boston." Regina said curtly. "I was. I came back." "Why?" "For you. I came back for you. And Henry." Regina looked at Emma a moment longer, then slapped her across the face. Emma looked stunned. Then she stepped in, taking Regina in her arms. Regina caved, her rigid shoulders collapsing in Emma's arms. "Don't leave me again." Regina said, trying to contain the tears. "I won't." Was Emma's reply. "I won't."

___And I can live without you__  
__Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best_


End file.
